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dating and ibd


Wed, October 15, 2008 12:00 AM

I have colitis and I'm not necessarily flaring right now but I am having symptoms.  I'm 21 so the biggest social situation involves drinking, I am single and want to get out there and meet people, but between the weight gain (prednisone) and my face breaking out and the gastrointestinal symptoms (gas, bloating, nausea, diarrhea, etc) I don't FEEL attractive and doubt I could attract anyone I'd be interested in for more than a couple of tipsy conversations before their beer goggles wear off and I remember that I have been going to the bathroom every twenty minutes.  Is it possible to date during colitis?  My last flare was in July.  I feel like I should be getting back to normal (weight-wise, confidence-wise) by now.

FPO hey2308
Joined Jul 23, 2008

Mon, December 15, 2008 11:34 PM

 Reply posted for ucinpa.

I  was   diagnosed  with   ulcerative  colitis  when  I  was  14th years  old  since   then   I   have   gone  through  12  opreations    and  now   I  have   a  permanent   Illeostomy  ,  I  gone  out  on   dates   and   i  tell   the  guys  they   there  don't  call  back   or  they   text  message   you   saying   there   is  to   much  going  on   right  now and   I  can   not   hald   this  .   Then   guys   who   really  just   don't  want   you  becaues  of    the   diease  or  health  problem   we  have  .   Toni 

FPO toni321
Joined Dec 20, 2008

Mon, November 24, 2008 11:30 PM

 Reply posted for hey2308.

i'm 23 and it's never been a factor in dating.  my first boyfriend was a *** and tried to pretend it didn't exist.  yeah... that lasted way too long.  my second was really good with it.  he was in the navy.  when i told him about it he smiled and said, "well, if this gets serious like i hope this does, the navy has great health insurance!"  i cried and hugged him.  we broke up cause he went crazy in the navy...
my boyfriend now is quite possibly the most amazing man ever.  he's a bit older than me (which is a good thing, more mature) and a succesful musician.  we first met at a show and i was drunk (it won't trigger your ibd but it causes a *** of a hangover, that's why moderation is the key).  we exchanged numbers and met up later (when i was sober he insisted).  we became close friends and then fell in love.  he visited me everyday while i was in the hospital and wiped the drool off my mouth after getting the fun narcotics through iv .  when my face got puffy from the steroids, he kissed my forehead and said, "i love you my little chipmunk!"
our first real date was at a stone temple pilots concert, he's friends with them.  when we got there the first thing he did was scope out the bathrooms for me and explained that not even the band can poo on the tour bus.  when i'm sick, he'll just lay with me watching movies.  there's nothing better than those text messages when i'm sick, "how are you feeling, love?"
i explain crohn's with a bit of humor.  i don't let it consume my life.  it's just a part of me, a small part.  it took me a while to gain confidence, but you'll get it.
for acne:  anything with 5-10% benzoyl peroxide & neosporin.  the neosporin has antibiotics that kill the bacteria in and also reduce scarring if you accidentally pick at it.

FPO aekrocks
Joined Nov 24, 2008

Mon, October 20, 2008 7:03 PM

 Reply posted for hey2308.

Good News! Yes. I am a 24 year old female. I got diagnosed when I was only 16. So basically through out my whole adolescence life. I started dating a guy a month before I found out about getting Crohn's. He was 16 at the same time. But regardless of what happened he stayed with me for 7 years. That was the least of our problems. But I found guy after guy who all understood. Maybe you might distance yourself at times. But I have been through college, and now I am in the real world. Yes, I totally  understand the drinking scene. And not everyone understands why I dont drink. I dont drink, I can drink a beer or 2 at the most, Its social drinking, and doesnt allow me to feel sick. But you have to find your own fun, and learn to just be yourself. The older you get the more the drinking scene will die. And you wont look like those drunk people you see making complete fools of themselves.

Bottom line, give it some time. Look into remicade, its got me off steriods, and kept me living a normal life. I dont think you should tell everyone that you know. But when you find someone special in your life, share the information. I have found that more and more people understand it than i once thought. But i tell on a need to know basis. And not everyone needs to know!

Good luck.

FPO asattenfield
Joined Oct 20, 2008

Mon, October 20, 2008 1:47 PM

 Reply posted for hey2308.

21 is a difficult age, almost as bad as teen years, I swear. Dating is crazy at any age but as the other reply mentioned be honest with the person up front. If it is just a casual dinner and movie don't sweat it enjoy and move on. You have to figure out what kind of relationship you are looking for at your young age. Embrace yourself and somehow find your own confidence and beauty. Search for at least one great friend that tells you like it is even if it makes you cry, who will give you a hug, hang out when you can't make it outa the house, and trust in your doctor. Get to know the signs your body is telling you at anytime.

I know from one of many experiences-I looked at one guy and said there's the door, leave. He looked at me, and said What! I said just leave... you don't get it. We had been dating for about 5 months or so not long but long enough for him to kinda get the idea and I was bad off then. I can't stress I know I need to take care of my needs first, and try some compassion and if they don't get, they won't. The person I am with now gets it for the most part enough so he knows what I can & can't eat, enough so he knows how important a bad night can be if we can't go out and when I have to give myself my Humira shots. He's on call 24 hours a day. But I am quite a bit older than you and in a different place in my life than you. Been there done that so to speak.

Just trust me when I say, believe in yourself find support around you, with friends and family, support groups, and become a hermit when necessary. It's hard to do. Take care, good luck. Of course it is possible to date, you are a normal person with a disease not a disease with a person.

FPO pam
Joined Apr 8, 2008

Sun, October 19, 2008 2:34 PM

 Reply posted for hey2308.

While I have been out of the dating scene for many years (married for 15), I met my right before I was diagnosed and was having the worst symptoms. If you meet someone that is interested in you, I suggest you tell them asap about your condition. If they react negatively, move on. My wife has been a pillar of understanding and you need to find someone like that. After all, you didn't choose this disease, it chose you.

FPO ucinpa
Joined Oct 2, 2008

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