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I know I read something about this topic somewhere but I can't seem to find it anywhere on here...

I am re-entering the world of dating and wonder how to explain my strange disease and the SCD diet to new people.  I don't want anyone to see me as some diseased person but at the same time it is a pretty big issue in my life. 

Interested in hearing people's stories on how they work this thing

 Reply posted for rweiser.

Thanks everyone, such great insights!  I have been dating a guy for 7 weeks now....he started doing the diet with me to support me and know the challenges I face (what a sweetie).  Recently have been having difficulties and he has been very supportive. 

 Reply posted for rweiser.

I have been living with Crohn's for ten years now.  I am a 34 year old man, and have suffered an anal fissure and two peri-anal abscesses due to Crohn's complications.

 Reply posted for rweiser.

 Reply posted for rweiser.

In reality is he/she really going to care if you order foods that are different. Probably not.

We are ALL (crohn's or no crohn's, UC or no UC) more concerned with ourselves than others are concerned with us. Our own insecurities limit us, so until you can accept yourself, you will probably have a hard time dating. This is true for everyone in this universe... however us lucky ones with IBD have a little more insecurity than the rest. We need to accept ourselves and our illness.

And just like Lizzie's mom said. You don't have to lay all your cards out on the table right away. Crohn's isn't you. It is a story about you that you can bring up on a later date. You are the kindness,the love, and the intelligence. You are the beautiful smile across the dinner table. You are the teacher, the nurse, the artist, the chef. You have a million different roles before your role as the patient. So let your date know what roles you value most. Don't give credit to roles that don't deserve it. Your illness doesn't define you so don't lead your date to falsely believe that it does. Let your date know ONLY WHEN YOU ARE READY and SECURE enough to deal with it.

Remember it is your insecurities. Your date has insecurities of his/her own that I'm sure he/she will let you in on once trust and comfort has been established.

 Reply posted for rweiser.

I have had Crohn's Disease for about 4 years now.  I am 30 year old female and about 3 years ago I had ms tof my colon removed and had a colostomy bag for about 7 months.  That was fun..LOL!  I was reattached so to speak but still have alot of problems.  I can't eat alot of food at one time or else I get sick, I do have to go to the bathroom quite frequently.  I recently started dating someone and I was just honest with him.  I told him I had Crohn's Disease and what it was.  And that I feel ok some of the time and other times I don't.  He was very understanding.  At first when I would spend the night at his house I was embarrassed because I have to get up a few times a night to go to the bathroom.  But after a few months I have become very comfortable around him.  You would really be surprised at how understanding and compassionate people can be.  And if they don't understand or can't handle it then they are not worth your time or energy!

 Reply posted for rweiser.

I have read your responses and can offer a little bit of a different opinion.   I will tell you as I have told my daughter, this disease does not define you.......you need to define it!   My daughter was diagnosed @4 (she's now 10) and doesn't have any memory of life w/o docs, tests, meds,supplements, etc.   I have taught her over the years that we are ALL different (in one way or another we are).   I have driven into her that she can do/be whatever she wants to in this world...it may be a little more of a challenge, but if she works @ it hard enough, it will come.  We too have a  strong faith in God.    He will not give us more than He knows we can handle.  

My daughter is a 10 y/o w/a big heart, good grades, strong gymnast, little sister, beautifu daughter, who just so happens has a "special belly".   So much goes into defining a person, don't become the disease.

The world is here for you to live in....go out, meet new people, have fun.  You don't need to lay all your cards on the table day1.  Order "safe" foods that you know typically agree, pass on the alcohol (simply say, I don't drink).   More and more people are weight/health conscious these days and wouldn't think twice about your "healthy" choices.  Enjoy everything you can, when the time comes and you feel comfortable, then educate the special someone you are with about your situation.  Get them involved too, maybe a CCFA walk, live your life....

Lizzies Mom

 Reply posted for rweiser.

I don't date because of my disease and a recent divorce. As a man, I feel I need to be a provider. I guess I'm kinda old fashion. I don't work right now, though used to own a good sized company. I just personally don't feel worthy. I am also a single dad, so I reserve myself to taking care of myself to get better and I also spend most of my life living for my 8 year old daughter who needs me. Maybe there is somebody out there for me who wants a "Mr. mom". I'm an excellent cook! And I used to build homes... wink wink to anybody interested. I resently had my wife leave me. She is sort of a shallow cold person that married me for my money when I had it. I care for her but she left me at the onset of my crohns to pursue other relationships. Best of luck to her.

My only caution is that whoever you date, make it clear that you are a person with qualities and limitations. None of us are perfect. Divorce hurts a lot and being honest now and during the courting process will save you from future "I didn't know that about you'". Don't deceive those that you're dating. If you cant fit the role in a relationship that you think the other person will need, stay away. I just dont want to see anybody go what I went through. At this point of my life, I dont look for a "love". Do I want and need companionship... yes. I just take life day by day and pray that God has his will in my life. If he wants me single, I have my daughter to raise and I can do it myself. If he wants to send me a mate, he will. I'm a Christian man, so I live knowing God has control of my life.

Moral of the story... be honest. Maybe you will find a health care professional that will get a sense of fulfillment in taking care of you. People have different ways of showing love and that might be your answer. I haven't dated recently, but if I were, I always ask myself "How can I make her happy in life? What can she do for me in return? After all, if you get married, you are doing so to become lovers as well as partners