Community Forum

    So I've been dealing with the disease for about four years now, and I have to admit I have had my share of the ups and downs we all face during flare ups along the way. I've learned to manage my stress levels to keep the anxiety from becoming overwelming, esp still being in school and all. The thing is though, as much as I'm able to get through most of the rough patches by taking care of myself and with the support of the people close to me; there is one thing that kind of weighs on my mind sometimes: the anxiety that comes with meeting people.

    Now, don't get me wrong,  theres always the ussual stuff that comes along with  dating  but  I guess latly i've been a little more stessed out about the fact that so much of the time I'm either too tierd to really be out on the dating scene or worried about not being able to hit it of with anyone because they might not understand why I couldn't be out and about or had to change plans suddenly. Not really looking for quick fixes, just wondering if anyone out there has had the same sort of feeling and how you've learned to manage your physical and emotional feelings  without having to sacrifice your opportunities?

 Reply posted for kalel.

I agree with almost all of these replies.  I dated for 11 years with my Crohn's and finally found my husband.  He is "Mr. Healthy", though, and sometimes has trouble understanding, even though I try to describe my brand of CD to him.  Unlike some of the other respondees, I did NOT tell my new boyfriends to go to a website or look up Crohn's.  I felt that I was not the typical CD patient, esp. since I was experiencing more constipation than diarrhea and at the time, was in remission. I think this helped because the stories on this site differ so much AND if you are like me, your symptoms can be very different from day to day.  You also don't want them to read the very worst stories and be horrified. Remember, your individual experience of CD is the truest story you can tell to a potential mate.  If you have trouble talking about it right then, just say, "Someday I will tell you all about it, but for now, would you mind if we just leave it at that?" I did this a lot and I think it helped my boyfriends get used to the idea of dating someone with a chronic illness before they actually had the weight of all the facts put upon them. In the end, if s/he cannot handle it, then this is probably a weak person who doesn't know how to be there for loved ones and you don't need someone like that around anyway.

 Now, after 2 years of marriage to my wonderful husband (Mr. Healthy), I am experiencing some flare symptoms again.  I will be in the hospital next week for tests and iron infusions.  So far, he is being very supportive and understanding, but this will be a test of sorts for the poor guy.  Of course, most people will eventually get sick with some kind of ailment or other. My wonderful healthy husband could (God forbid) come down with lung cancer like his mom did and I know I would be there for him, without hesitation.

Hope this helps.

 Reply posted for rachj.

Ya, its pretty lame. I mean it gets to be really frustrating to feel like you have no control over whether or not you can go out and do fun things cause your worried your disease is going to suddenly kill all your plans.

 Reply posted for kalel.

Yeah dating and having IBD is hard, I started getting sick when my bf and I started dating, and he is so frustrated cause he says he can't handle it anymore, partially because im hurting so much, and partially because I've become really negative just because my disease is my life right now, and I hate it, but don't know how to change it cause it takes up almost all my energy!

I know I'm being a bad gf and I feel horrible but yet at the same time I dont really feel its my fault cause I didn't choose to be this sick.

I know i need to look at things more positivly now, but how do I stop my disease from being my life?

 Reply posted for kalel.

I completely understand!  I was diagnosed at 18 about 1 month before i started college . . .

That was a while ago now, and i am currently dating a great guy.  After about 2 weeks, we realized we both had similar conditions!  He had CD and was a cancer survivor, and I have UC.  Although i would never wish this upon anyone, it is comforting to have someone who completely understands when i'm sick.  He never takes it personally as if i am not interested in him, he knows i'm just truely not feeling well.

Put yourself out there, be honest, and the right person will come along. 

 Reply posted for kalel.

I met a great guy online. We have been together a year now. I told him during the first meeting that I have crohns. He has been understanding even when it has meant canceling plans (I can tell he gets disappointed sometimes) but it's part of the package.

 Reply posted for kalel.

Well I think all of us who are single or were single and dating there has been an issue of will they be able to handle it will they be understanding  should I tell them or not and well some will and some will not.  My current boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years and I was very honest with him up front about my illness.  I have never hid it from anyone.  If I thought there might be something with someone and it might be long term then I always discussed it with them and gave them websites to gather info for themselves so that way they knew what they were getting into.  I know it sucks to have to tell someone that hey I may have runaway diarrhea and not be able to go out and I may hurt so bad that I dont want you to touch me but that is just a fact of life for us.  Luckily my boyfriend has been pretty understanding and until recently he really had no idea how bad it could get but even when it got bad he stuck in there and helped me.  It is a fact that we bring baggage into a relationship.......our disease....but for me I try to make the most of any good times to try and make up for any bad times.  I think it just takes a special person to be able to cope with your' disease with you and be able to stick it out but there are some out there.  Dont give up on dating and dont be afraid to be honest up front because if they truly care about you and truly want to be with you then they will take all the good and all the bad.  Good Luck and hope you find that compassionate person!!!!!