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I've never posted here before, so here goes nothing. I'm a 25 year old woman who's been living with moderately severe colitis since 2006. While I'm doing the best I ever have right now (Delzicol and regular exercise have worked wonders!), I'm still far from asymptomatic. My family and close friends know about the UC, but I don't really like disclosing it to anyone else. 

Even after 9 years of having UC, and learning to laugh at myself, I still sometimes feel so gross and weird.  I get scared that people who don't know think I'm irresponsible or flaky when flare-ups happen and I'm out of commission for a few weeks, or even just a few hours. When I'm in relationships,  I'm always scared of the guy thinking I'm gross when he realizes exactly what the UC is. I'm even scared of one day having a horrible flare-up while pregnant and what that could mean. I'm pretty good about not letting UC define me, but sometimes it feels like once I'm finally feeling normal and functional, I suddenly flare up and I'm right back in that awful place. The worst part is sometimes I feel guilty about it- for being the one who sets the pace on road trips, and that, as reliable as I try to be, that sometimes my body just might not cooperate and I have to unexpectedly cancel plans. I don't want to be that person.

I'm really lucky- I work in my dream job, and I have wonderful friends and family who love and support me.  But sometimes I'll have a really awful evening, and I'll start to hate myself a little bit.  Maybe I just don't feel well and need to take it easy, or maybe I'm just letting my anxiety get the better of me and make it worse. Or I worry that I use UC as an excuse, or I'll worry that I don't take it seriously enough and push myself too hard. Either way, I end up beating myself up over it.

Am I the only one who does this? Maybe I'm just being neurotic.

 Reply posted for rotngut.

I got a new job a couple of months ago, i was happy, I was feeling great, even when i wasn't feeling great, i pushed myself,  but i wasn't taking care of myself, i had just come out of my remission and because of that, all of my symptoms started coming back  (Remicaid was actually a life saver, its the cause of my remission, Thanx Dr G!!) My dream job was stressing me out and i know that stress is really bad for crohn's. My doctor said to let my work know about the condition and i didn't want to do that because it was my business, I didn't want people treating me like i was made of glass, but more and more, it started taking a toll on my physical well being and also my emotional well being.  I didn't want to use this as an excuse not to work, I didn't want to be lazy.  I had pushed myself so hard i ended up in the hospital, I cried myself to sleep every night because i thought this part was supposed to be done,  I still cry every night, i want to throw things against the wall because this wasn't my plan!

No you are definitely not neurotic ! I've had crohn's for 7 months and have had many of the same experiences as you. There are days that I think the physical aspects of the disease are less debilitating than the stress, anxiety , and depression it causes. If you haven’t already find a psychologist with experience in crohn's / colitis. I have found therapy to be helpful. Take care.

I understand...I'm a 59 yr old woman diagnosed in 2013. I have 1 person that has seen my life with a UC flare up...my S.O. My family father is 80 & he is at the age of its all about him, my sister gets mad at me! We worked together at a retail store & last July I was 'laid off' at work. Even when they said it was because of $$$ problems that didn't come until I was told I missed too much work I get very sick with a flare, can have diarrhea 20x a day, cramping, vomiting blah blah I take Entacort but it takes 2-3 weeks before I can function & they also thought I was on drugs because I can get so tired, loopy feeling. So now I'm trying to find a job, NOT easy at 59 & I am SCARED TO DEATH that I get one & have a flare & lose my job again. 3 days ago I started another flare up, my S.O. Is working out of state & I have no one to call on that understands. They all think I make up stuff that is wrong & hide inside my house, I'm so frustrated & scared right now...I get a flare about every 6 months but in between those I have had severe vomiting incidents & had to go to ER for IV's. I joined this site for info, I had no clue that could be a symptom & no doc has said either, it's always a 'bug', virus, had blister rash all over my back 2 weeks ago they said I had dry skin...REALLY!!! Guess I needed to vent with others that understand, just scared & alone...I understand every comment on this site & am so thankful to see/read how others feel. ANY idea what to do about job risks, that brings so much stress & I believe it makes this worse. Take care & write anytime, seems I'm always awake even when I can't walk! Thoughts are with you....

 Reply posted for scherz.

You are not the only one at all!

I do the same thing, unfortunately its part of having UC or in my case, Crohn's. Fun times!!