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You know, this really sucks.  I'm just having one of those days when I can't decide if I'm going to cry, crawl in a corner and whimper, or yell at everyone.  I'd run away if I could, not that it would help, since I'd be looking for bathrooms everywhere I'd go and would be constantly reminded of this b.s. that's muscled its way into my life.  See, I've been dealing with one physical problem after another since January, a biggie being cervical cancer and having a hysterectomy to take care of that (which, incidentally, didn't give me nearly as much emotional stress as my UC diagnosis), then a whopping infection the week after surgery which we think may have triggered my flare-up because of the megaantibiotics shoveled into me in megadoses. 

Here I am, 47, single and trying to catch the eye of anyone who hasn't been sleeping behind a dumpster for five years, and it's hard enough being a larger person getting positive attention, but now I have the added bonus of looking like (because of unexplained hives covering my arms & chest), and oh yeah--being, a diseased person.  Who'd want to hook up with someone like me? I want to be able to have a healthy sex life just like any 20 year old especially since the hysterectomy (freedom!!!), but I can't say I'd blame anyone for keeping a clear path.  I mean I don't see the makers of Depends hooking up with Victoria's Secret any time soon to get some hot poop-panties on the market.  I wouldn't exactly want to get it on with someone who might just have "the urge" right in the middle of taking care of some other fun urges.  You know what I mean?  This really bites and I'm over-the-top upset about it! Any suggestions???!!!!

 Reply posted for jillington.

dang...you are crackin me up! i sure needed a smile. i am having a pretty bad day myself, but nothing compared to your living *** . not that im happy your sicker than me, but your wording is sooooo funny! good thing you have your sense of humor still intact! or you really would lose it! keep your head up...i'm sure it will get better. again, thanks for the smile...i needed it! good luck babe....

 Reply posted for jillington.

Wow!!!  I hope you're doing better now.  I'm so sorry that things are so tough.  I'm amazed you can keep going....and yet you do.  You're a wonderful writer with a great sense of humor even in the midst of all of this.  I truly hope you're doing better and that you can find the relationship you're looking for.  Who would want you?  Someone who's looking for a bright, witty, courageous, lovely woman.  That's who.  I'll pray for you. 

 Reply posted for jillington.

    Sweetie I am sorry you are having a rough time, it makes me sad. Funny how much you can feel for people you never even met.
I just wanted to let you know that I will be thinking about you and praying for you. I hate saying that to people (the praying thing) cause I'm not super religious but ya know sometimes it helps me and  so I hope if I do it for you it will help you!
We're all in this together, and even if we aren't at least we all have each other to talk to.

 Reply posted for jillington.

Hello i would like to chat with you so you have aol ..... I am divotrl  on aol

 Reply posted for jillington.

Continuation of my rant, since I'm a prolific writer and we're given only a certain amount of words for threads.  Anyway, My UC was starting to get better, I was hopeful I was going in remission, then WHAM I woke up one morning with hive-like things all over my arms, mostly on the back of them, a lot on my chest (and I have a large bosom, so there is a natural tendency for people to look there anyway) and some on my legs and back.  So my GI isn't sure what it could be except a reaction to my Asacol/Rowasa regimen and takes me off of it completely.  By Thursday afternoon, I had full-blown 104 degree fever and chills and kept that until Saturday morning.  That was fun.  However, Friday morning I had noticed that the hives were quite definitely going away.  Great.  So I was allergic to the the meds.  Wrooooong!

Saturday morning, with the exit of the fever (well, at least the high grade fever, I decided I liked it so much I kept it at a toasty 100 degrees for a couple more days) came a whole new crop of hives, about twice as many has I had originally.  Under instructions from my GI, I went to the hospital on Sunday.  Nothing showed up on any of the legion of tests they took with the exception of an extremely low potassium count.  However, they put me on prednisone to handle the hives & the inevitable return of my bloody diarrhea since I hadn't been on meds for a few days.  Luckily, it's only for five days.  Hopefully.  I'm crossing my fingers that it won't be prescribed for me on a normal basis.

Anyway.  That's one of the reasons for my edginess.  That, and I'm kind of doing this alone.  Divorced mom, one kid in Las Vegas, one here but more focused on her fiance, work and school.  Lousy pay, no life, and a few people in it I need to kick out but don't have the emotional stamina right now to rid my life of them.  Thanks for listening.