Community Forum

Hi,

If those of you with Crohns & Colitis could ask anything from a person you are dating (support, understanding, etc) what would you ask for and what do you feel is that hardest about another person understanding who does not have either?

Thank you so much for your input!

 Reply posted for 2 for the show.

I think it really shows how much you care by doing your own research, to show that although you won't truly understand that the other is going through, at lease you will be educated to understand what is going on.  That's what frustrates me the most when it comes to my relationship, I would actually print a lot of information out and highlight the things that I felt were most important.  He never looked at it, I found them shoved under his bed.  That really hurt.

I agree with patience and humor.  It's fun to be comfortable enough to joke about it, it's better to try and laugh about it then be depressed about it, although I am positive that most, if not all, sufferers of Crohn's and UC so go through some moments of depression from everything.

I have been given a lot of patience though in my relationship.  Often we would have plans to do something but at the last minute I really didn't feel like I could make it.  Just be patient and try not to show disappointment when things don't follow through because of a flare up.

 Reply posted for 2 for the show.

Thank you so much for the replies!

This is a new relationship for me and I was quite confused on what to do/say, what not to do/say...

I think he may be sort of embarrassed about things because we are newly dating but I think he may become more comfortable if I show him that I am not going to go running out the door. :)

Last night I listened and was just "there" for him.  I gave him hugs and acknowledged that it must be very hard.

I am not sure if he is ready for the humor, maybe just a little; after we see each other for a while and he opens up more to me maybe ...

Thanks again for the replies, it helps so much, I care about him immensely and wouldn't want to make things more difficult or uncomfortable for him.  He has enough to deal with already and want "us" to be easy :)

 Reply posted for 2 for the show.

I love this idea!!!! Someone asking on the outside of us. Thank you for asking that is the first step... research! My biggest thing is empathy not sympathy. I agree with the first person that wrote that says it all find humor where you can. I have dated people and point blank said there's the door leave and said nothing more. Stress is a big flare factor for me and I won't argue with someone if I can't be anymore than 5 feet from my bathroom. The guy I am now is extremely understanding and just says oh gonna be awhile huh and sometimes we will text back & forth as a joke. But I tell people not to check on me I will holler if I need them. I cry sometimes but mostly just be there if I need my lower back rubbed or my ginger ale at midnight. I am very independent and push to do too much on my own. Just listen, understand, respect, ask questions, don't make jokes about how long we spend in "there" or how it smells. It is what is. Thank you for your interest. Take care. :0)

 Reply posted for 2 for the show.

personally, i think two qualities that make things easier for me is patience and a sense of humor. it helps that my husband doesn't get frustrated with me when i literally have to use the bathroom every hour or 45 minutes. i have uc and a tiny bladder so i spend a lot of time in the bathroom. also, treatment of crohn's and uc is not fun so it helps that we can find humor in it. i despise enemas and suppositories yet having this disease i'm well acquainted with both and using a suppository every night is not sexy so we joke about it. he lets me get ready for bed first and i'll randomly ask him if he's sure he doesn't want to watch *wink**wink* he just laughs and calls me a freak. humor makes it more comfortable for me to go about my routine knowing he's going to give me privacy and i don't have to feel like it's something to be embarrassed or grossed out talking to him about. the truth is crohn's and colitis patients spend a lot of time getting to know all about their colon and rectum and other bodily functions that people generally don't like to discuss, but because it effects us it helps that we feel comfortable with our significant others to talk about it when we need to since it is so much a part of our daily lives. plus, when i'm not feeling well or having to go through preparation for a procedure (i.e. colonoscopy), he does his best to encourage me through the prep which is awful. he'll remind me that it sucks right now but it will get better and afterwards he'll treat me to my favorite icecream. if i need a vent session every now and then to just *** and whine about this disease he'll let me and in the end he'll just give me a hug and say something like "yes, it does". he doesn't try to understand what it feels like, but he does understand that every now and then i have to have a breakdown so he quietly listens. understanding that this disease is both emotional and physical  helps a lot too.