Community Forum

Hi everyone, 

My name is Mattie and I'm new here. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease a little over 4 years ago, and let me tell you-- it hasn't been easy. I think one of the worst parts of my journey with this illness has been the toll it's taken on me emotionally. I just feel like I can't get it right. No treatments are working and I'm having a hard time keeping my head up. I want so badly to look Crohn's in the face and say "you can't take away my joy and you can't affect me as a person", but some days I feel like my body's sadness overtakes over my spirit's joy. And that sucks. Because I have an amazing life. I have a supportive family and fiance who loves be better than I deserve. I am able to be at an incredible school pursuing my dream career in nursing. I am able to breathe, walk, learn, and grow. My faith is my firm foundation and I trust that with all my heart. But why do I feel so alone? Why do I feel like tomorrow won't be any better than today? Why do I feel so defeated? 

Does anyone else face these conflicting emotions and weight of powerlessness? What has helped you cope with your illness and find joy in your suffering? 

Mattie

Reply posted for jarofclay47.

Hey Mattie,

I relate to your post so very much! My life sounds very similar to yours. 

I also have days where I just can't get out of my own head to save my life. I hate to say it, but this is my new normal and life with Crohn's is our life. I was diagnosed in 2014. I had to have a bowel resection 9.29.2016. Our lives are very unpredictable, and in my opinion, that's kind of scary in it's self. 

Life is already challenging without or without a disease, we just have to be a little more stronger than a healthy person is. That's okay. We must have been so strong that God thought we could handle the burden. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and it's hard to keep the positivity flowing.

BUT, remember this: You are STRONG. You are SURVIVING daily. You are ADAPTING. You are BUILDING, LEARNING, and GROWING from this damn disease. 

I can't say that it'll all be okay, you will have more hard times, but it's how you live through it that truly counts. Make all of your days worth while. Count your blessings. AND love that supportive family that you've got. I know I too, have depended upon my family and fiance for love and support when I didn't have any of my own to give to myself. They are wonderful allies in this battle that wages inside of us, in many aspects: mentally, physically, psychologically. 

You can talk to me anytime! I'm also going into Nursing :) Best of luck to you.

Dani

Reply posted for KRiegel.

Hey Kirsten,

Thanks for your wisdom and your response. It really touched me. You're right-- our mentality truly does have a strong influence on our physical bodies. Changing the way we think can make a big difference. And you are totally right, when we aren't strong enough, God is. When we are down, we can't forget to look up. Reminds me of that song "Look up child" :) 

Thanks again, hope you are doing well.

Mattie

Reply posted for jarofclay47.

I had ulcerative colitis, had a collectomy, now I have Crohns.  Despite my many illnesses, I’ve always been able to look on the bright side. There’s always somebody worse off than I am.   I  often have to sit in the lobby of my local hospital and wait on an appointment. As I watch people walk (or roll) by I’ll notice  the people who are much worse off than I am. I can walk, get around without assistance. I count my blessings. 

Reply posted for jarofclay47.

Hey Mattie! I'm Kirsten:)

I'm sorry to hear about everything you've gone through. Despite the fact that were all affected by our diseases, we're all affected differently so it's hard to readabout how you've been struggling emotionally. I've had UC for almost 13 years now and I definitely understand the emotional toll. Sometimes it just feels like it's never going to end. But depsite those feelings, youre still here. 

Your mentality has a lot to do with how you respond to what is happening to your body. I was in a support group meeting the other day, and our counselor had us close our eyes and say repeatedly "i can't lift my arm" whilst trying to lift our arms, and it was hard to lift them, like actually. and it just goes to show that the thoughts we have in our heads really do affect our attitudes and actions. I know it's hard to always be positive but if you feel yourself start to have negative thoughts about your Crohn's or your symptoms, or just your day in general, acknowledge that thought and then send it on its way.

I think it's amazing that you have a strong faith. Lean on that. When you're feeling down, like there's nothing you can do, look up. Worship, not because of what's going on, but just to worship. You are never alone. You are stronger than you know, and when you aren't, God is. 

I hope you start feeling better soon and that you find a treatment that will give you the relief you're looking for.