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I have been out of work for about a year due to this illness. I applied for SSI benefits and it is now just been appealed. I am at the point of feeling like a genuine bum and layabout. Ive been living with my sister since March of this year. I am completely destitute. I am very depressed and feeling worthless. I am upset that Ive been contributing to the greater good for 20 years (paying taxes, obeying the law, helping others etc) but when I ask for help from the govt, it turns it back on me. I applied for medicaid in NC and under their guidelines, I would have to be considered disabled under SSI in order to qualify for assistance. The system itself is very skewed. My sister, who is a nurse, told me about a drug user who fell asleep behind the wheel, under the influence, crashed her car on the side of the road and remained hidden from view for several days with a piece of shrapnel lodged in her leg. Of course, her leg became infectious and gangerous. The SSI granted her disability because of her mishap, ignoring the fact that she broke the law (even being a drug addict is grounds for disability under SSI). How is this really fair for honest people who develop chronic illness and seek legitimate claims for disability or medicaid? Must we resort to jumping off buildings, in hopes of surviving and claiming the benefits that we pay for at every paycheck? I sit here, very depressed and worthless, waiting for the state's decision to grant me the aid to get me back into the workplace. I have 20 years worth of medical records stating that I have Crohn's. How much more proof does the state need? I suppose I could just move to Canada. Sure their taxes are high, but at least I know I can get steady healthcare.

 Reply posted for phlipjacks.

 I completely understand how you feel. Ive applied for help as well. Disability and SSI. Ive been denied disability because I have not worked enough. Never mind that Im raising four children who need me very much. Not only has my husband always worked and paid taxes but apparently that isnt good enough either. So we fall back to SSI to which they exclaim Im not poor enough. Which I am thanks to medical bills.but a little piece of land my husband owns is considered a resource so therefore it keeps me from qualifying. I mean I couldnt sell that if I wanted too in this economy. We've tried.Im a mother and a wife and a christian . my children need their mother to be healthy and people who scam the system or goodness knows what else get more help.Alcoholics with shot livers and addicts are getting benefits every day. Not only do i have crohns but I have a rare liver disease as well but im not worthy. Ive never done drugs or been alcoholic. Just crazy how things work out.

 Reply posted for phlipjacks.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. It really means alot to me. :) When I tell people that I have Crohn's, a few of them go "oh, I'm sorry to heard that" in to which I reply, "Yeah, I wouldn't wish this even on my worst enemy".

 Reply posted for phlipjacks.

First of all I want to say just how clever people are in their names and even posts.  At first I was like, "American Idle?  What...oh...oh-OH!"  Then proceeded to laugh at the cleverness of it.  Then saw someone named OstomyBarbie and couldn't help but applaud at my screen.

Anyway!  I understand how you feel about getting jipped by the government.  What I don't know, just becuase of my situation, how it feels to actually pay taxes for many years and then find yourself disabled.  I've had it, as I've said with a few others, since I was 15 so I never really had a job that lasted for very long.  But I can empathise with your emotions about feeling the way you do.  I've lived with my mother all this time and I'm getting close to turning 23.  Then after my brother finishes building his house, I'm moving in with him.  So yeah, I'm right with you on that.

The only thing I can tell you with certainty is that yeah...this disease sucks.  But getting depressed helps ~nothing~.  I'm only saying that because I've been to the point of suicide because I couldn't take it anymore.  Now I'm not saying that I always feel perky because I don't.  It gets overwhelming sometimes, but even in those moments I know that this will accomplish nothing.  It's especially in those times that I start calling my close friends and just saying, "Alright I need some people around me because I'm feeling seriously depressed right now..."  And it's only been after a ~lot~ of conversations that they finally understand exactly why I need them there in person to comfort me.

Keep on keepin' on and I'll definitely be praying for you.
~Zack

 Reply posted for phlipjacks.

I couldn't agree with you more!  This government is extremely flawed!  The system simply doesn't work!  It also irritates me how if we don't pay our taxes, they can garnish our wages and send us to jail, but now that they're in debt, they're writing us IOU's.  I think we deserve to charge them interest.  It's just rediculous how this system doesn't work!  I'm so sorry for what you're going through.  I wish you luck!