Letter from Mom
Fri, October 23, 2009 9:18 AM
Hi Sweetheart,
I hope you are feeling better today. It scares me and hurts to realize the awful pain and anguish you frequently must endure. I wish I were there to help you take care of all this resource and contact stuff that I have been sending to you. I'm hoping that it will eventually ease some of the pain.
The purpose of this letter is to apologize for being insensitive to your feelings. You know we all (friends & Family) with our "things will get better" are trying to encourage you cause we don't like to see you in pain or depressed. Nothing we do or say can change your pain. It's no wonder you and others like yourself with such a chronic illness feel so lonely. Most people run from pain and complainers. It's like a dismal cloud just grows and hoovers over everyone. That is where and when the love of God should be most applied. He said he would never leave you nor forsake you. He endured more pain and suffering for our salvation and healing than any of us could endure. If we Christians would be true Christians then the wonderful love of God could start the healing.
However, to help me understand you and what do you need from me, I ask "what would you do or say" if we (your friends and family) were in your situation. You said "nobody listens". I am so sorry. For me it's like, well, if someone tells me something about himself then he is asking for advice or help. I know that's not what you want. "Things will get better" or other effort of encouragement and hope is often the only thing I can say much less do. I still believe they will and I honestly believe that God is in control of it all.
If I were there I could hold you, love on you, do things for you, whatever. Unfortunately I'm not, so the best I can do is offer up to God my prayers for you and then send and suggest resources and contacts. I love you,
Mom
Joined Oct 23, 2009
Sun, November 08, 2009 10:59 PM
Reply posted for LoveMom.
Your post made my cry. My mother is gone, has been for 24 years. I felt as if she was speaking to me through it. I wish I had her here just to talk to sometimes. I really miss her. I know if she were here she would be trying to help. She was always like that. Give your son time to adjust. Trust in the Lord and he will pull you and him through. He has for me.
Joined Apr 25, 2008
Sun, November 08, 2009 10:59 PM
Reply posted for LoveMom.
Your post made my cry. My mother is gone, has been for 24 years. I felt as if she was speaking to me through it. I wish I had her here just to talk to sometimes. I really miss her. I know if she were here she would be trying to help. She was always like that. Give your son time to adjust. Trust in the Lord and he will pull you and him through. He has for me.
Joined Apr 25, 2008
Wed, November 04, 2009 1:00 AM
Reply posted for LoveMom.
While my 24 year son just received word from his doctor that they found markers that strongly indicate IBD, and want to do a CT scan, I have been falling apart. You see, my mom had an ileostomy from UC and we are from Eastern European Jewish ancestry. That is high risk. He will not discuss this with me, as he wants to take control of it. All I have been doing is crying, and trying to read up on it. I want to make healthy meals for his visits, so I would appreciate any ideas from anyone out there. Obviously, I am so scared, because my mom has a bag. Does anyone know what the likelihood is that 
ese markers are incorrect, especially with these risk factors???
lorraineJoined Nov 4, 2009
Mon, November 02, 2009 9:51 AM
Reply posted for LoveMom.
Wow, what an encouraging letter. You are right, my family from afar hasn't posted many replies on facebook since I hinted at having a flare. I have to admit too there are specific times I have avoided people going through a tough time simply because I didn't know what to say. When I was hospitalized two years ago, I had quit talking to my dad. But not because he was trying to give advice on how to help, but because he would go on and on about his dreams (that he prioratized [sp?] over me my whole life thus far). As soon as I saw him and knew what he was wanting to talk about, my stomach would start to cramp and I would be in the bathroom in agony for hours. He was really hurt that i did this to him, we didn't talk for months but I had in order to get well. I didn't have the strength emotionally nor physically to take care of him too. I don't think he understands this to this day even though we are reconcilled. I don't think I could even explain it to him. I've learned to turn a deaf ear to all that talk. However, very irritating. I would probably have a closer relationship with him if it weren't for that flaw. Selfishness.
I don't think you are selfish, far from it. i am sorry your son has not wanted to talk much to you of late. I hope that that changes for you. I couldn't imagine how hard that must be as a mother. I wonder if maybe he just wants you to not talk about the problem, his disease and simply just talk about the weather. Maybe talking baout Crohn's, what could be done, should be done, etc. is a stress to him? maybe the best you could do for him is a be a pleasant distraction? I know you didn't aim this letter at me personally, but I want to thank you for your kind words. Thank You!
Joined Jun 18, 2009
Wed, October 28, 2009 12:00 AM
Reply posted for trina32.
thank you, trina32, for your encouragement. Yes, I will be here for him. I appreciate your prayers for my son and myself. I am sure that your prayers extend to the Father, not only for us but for all who have been touched one way or anther by these diseases. God is in control and He has a plan for each of our lives. I'm glad I'm not God (what a buch of whiners we can be), but I am so glad that He loves us any way (as His children) and that I and my son, (and you) know and belong to Him. Forgiveness is a wonderful healer. God's Spirit is my comforter and help (He sends precious people like yourself) in time of need. God bless you and pray God have Mercy on America. Love, Mom
Joined Oct 23, 2009
Tue, October 27, 2009 12:00 AM
Reply posted for LoveMom.
YOU BEING THERE 4 HIM IS BEST 4 HIM WE AS KIDS DONT UNDERSTAND OUR PARENTS AT TIMES BUT YOU MADE ME CRY WITH YOUR LETTER JUST NO EVEN IF YOUR NOT MY MOTHER THAT HELPED ME JUST BE THERE 4 HIM THIS THING WE DEAL WITH IS HARD IT DRAINS US AND AT TIMES WE FEEL AS IF NO ONE UNAERSTANDS ITS HARD TO TELL YOU HOW WE FEEL AND AT TIMES WE DONT NO WHAT IT IS YOU JUST BE THERE 4 HIM LET HIM COME TO YOU I DONT NO WHAT WENT ON WITH THE BOTH OF U THATS BETWEEN YALL AND GOD PRAYER CHANGES ALL AND THERES NO GREATER LOVE THEN THE POWER OF GOD AND A MOTHER DONT GIVE UP ITS GOING TO WORK ILL KEEP BOTH OF YOU IN MY PRAYERS GOD BLESS
Joined May 29, 2009
Tue, October 27, 2009 12:00 AM
Reply posted for LoveMom.
I, too, have asked God to spare my son this misery, by allowing me to take it on. My son has always been a good young man, always trying to do better, always kind and sensitive to others. It is unfortunate, but my son is a very proud young man who refuses to accept my help to the point of telling me to cease with all the research, suggestions and emails. He has even ceased to talk to me. I am not a smothering mother. Maybe he was tired or maybe it was the drugs, maybe I said something wrong, maybe he is ashamed of his need for help. I don't know what, but that broke my heart. I felt the way people feel when some one close has died. I was in disbelief. It made me angry, I had been insulted and wanted to slap him. I was sad and in denial "Wha'd I do?". I began blaming myself, after all he is a grown man. And now, acceptance that our relationship is flat-lined. I am heart-broken. I still love him and will help him when/if he asks, even if just being a sounding board. But my question is, do I walk lightly? Leave it alone and hope it works out?Speak only when spoken to? Or do I confront him and explain what I perceive to be the truth about it all. Thanks for listening, Guess I needed to vent also.
Joined Oct 23, 2009
Mon, October 26, 2009 7:17 PM
Reply posted for LoveMom.
that was very nice of you im glad i have the mother i have the first time i went into the hospital feeling so bad crying day in and out she was there the one thing i do remeber her saying but i dont think she was talking to no one in the room she was having a talk with god im the baby out of triplets we are 32 she said god this is my child a gift from you if its any way in your name could you give this crohns to me i hate to seee my child suffer i knew i had the best mother in this world my god my boys and her are my strenght after reading that i had to share
Joined May 29, 2009
Mon, October 26, 2009 12:00 AM
Reply posted for LoveMom.
Very nice, thanks for sharing!
Joined Oct 1, 2009