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  I am very depressed. I have just gotton out of my 8th hospital visit this year. I have had crohn's for 23 years and I have had 7 bowel surgries. I am on remicade and I am having allergy reactions.  I really feel I have been positive person overall in my life, but I am at a point that I am tired of this disease Im tired of looking 6 months pregnant everyday.  I'm 43 yrs old, why can I not seem to beat this disease I just need a week of a normal life not looking pregnant, feeling as if the opposite sex might find me attractive maybe hold a job one day. Buy my positive thoughts have left me deeply upset at life and this disease.

 Reply posted for shani1.

Have had CD for 23 years, am 47 and have had three surgeries, many ER visits, frequent bone discomfort and extreme muscles aches ... I feel you pain for sure!

When I can't leave the house I try read the Bible. I know that with CD or UC it may be tough to believe in a God that wants the best for you - but I can tell you that my pain, grief and fear are with hope, relief and perserverance by reading God's word. WeI regularly attend church (I sit in the back to get to the bathroom suddenly if needed), we pray and we try to live a life that honors God and that follows the exmaple that Christ gave us.

Even when I recall all of the ER visits, surgeries and anxiety over the unknown of CD, reading the Bible and praying always leave me feeling loved and blessed. I find strength to put the disease in its place so I can go out and worship, have fellowship and be as active as I can.

I hope my words here give you the love and support you need to have hope. As we reach out to one another, even online, we share our love for those who suffer from the same thing we do.

I do know this: that God created you and me as unique indidividuals who can do great things for His kingdom. No one else can serve in the role He created for you. To have the God of all creation want you to draw near to Him is truly awesome. I thought I would share my experiences with others to offer you and others hope. I think that makes God happy and I know helping others is a way that my life can be a living and holy sacrifice to Him.

Know that He loves you, he holds every tear you cry in His hands, he always hears your prayers and he has a plan to use you in His kingdom. If my experience with CD has allowed me to connect you with Him, then I'd say that I had a pretty good day carrying out his mission for me.

 Reply posted for shani1.

hang in there,i have been there.as bad as it is it will get better,just a little at a time.the last two years has been *** .i have had seven surgery and after twenty seven pints of blood in six months and people told me to hang in there well since surgery five week ago thing are getting a little better so i hope you find some relief soon,again hang in there.

 Reply posted for shani1.

So sad to hear about your suffering. I can relate to the belly thing. My tummy looks that way, too. I am 43, but I have only had Crohn's for two and a half years. I am nowhere near as bad as most people who post here, but then again I may be someday. Right now I just take one day at a time and do the best I can. The only advice I can give you is to take care of yourself the best you can.
When I was first having problems, I lay in bed all the time. But after a while I realized that I was losing a lot of muscle tone. I was afraid that if I didn't get up and start moving at least a little that pretty soon I wouldn't be able to! So I did get up and get moving, even if I could only manage two or three minutes at a time. It helped me feel better about myself, and it helped me to keep my sanity, because I was going crazy just doing nothing! Even though I had to sit in a chair to do dishes, and sit on a shower chair to take a shower, and take two or three hours to do something that normally would have only taken 15 minutes to half an hour, I still did it, because I couldn't stand not doing it.
And little by little, I actually started to feel better. I think the medicine and being careful with what I ate helped too. I had to stay away from milk at all costs, because that gave me such horrible stomachaches that would literally ball me up in bed and I felt like I was going to throw up. Everything else I had to sort through as to what bothered and what didn't. It took me a year to work my diet out.
I hope you start to feel better. I'll check back in a few days and see how you are. Please don't ever give up. There is always hope for a better tomorrow.
Laura