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Looking for stories of how you were able to deal with this disease while playing the dating game. Especially if you're following a specific diet.

Anyone meet their now husband/wife after being diagnosed? How did they deal with it while you dated? When did you tell him/her about it?

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

I was diagnosed with UC when I was 17 (prime dating years right?). 

My boyfriend at the time took it well...but I could tell it freaked him out a little (and it wasn't even bad at that point) and things fizzled in college.

My next boyfriend tried to be supportive, and I thought he would be as he suffered from diabetes (another chronic disease), but he just didn't get it when I didn't feel good, so I after taking "crap" (haha) for almost 2 years I cut it off.

I also went on dates with people in between, some I told about it, others I did not and I really did not notice a difference between whether I did or did not tell them.

I'm 25 now and my current boyfriend and I have been together now for almost 4 years and things are great!  We've been living together for just over a year and we adopted a kitten back in October.  He's totally understanding if I'm having a bad day.  He helps me out alot with household chores, cooking, and cleaning.  He gets it when I have to sleep a little longer, take a nap, maybe don't feel like hanging out with friends, or takiing out the trash.  We openly talk about my disease and if I'm having an overly emotional day about it he will sit on the couch with me and let me cry if I need to.  We have plans to get engaged in the near future, and hopefully get married in the next year or two.  He's also been super supportive as far as me going back to school to be a nurse practitioner.

Dating is rough at times in general and even harder with this disease.  Eventually you will find someone who totally gets you, and loves you for who you are and accepts you and your disease.  Good Luck!

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

I'm 24 and I met my boyfriend about a year and a half ago.  When he first asked me out he suggested we go out for coffee but I told him I can't have caffiene.  On that first date I told him about my diet restrictions due to my "digestive disorder"-- I kept it vague, but out there, at first.  When we got to know each other better I had the conversation of "Sorry if I took a long time in the bathroom" and later on one about "my intestines flare up, causing ulcers".  It is embarrassing stuff, but if someone's not into you because of it, there certainly not the right person for you.

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

I'm glad you brought this issue up. I've been in a few relationships since being diagnosed with UC and have been fortunate that the guys I've been with have been very supportive. I think they want to help as much as they can, and they try to learn as much as they can about the disease. The things is, I've always met and gotten to know these people while I was in remission and so by the time I have a flare, there is already some foundation to the relationship. I think the challenge is meeting people and getting to know someone during a flare. When I am feeling sick, I feel like the disease consumes me...I'm limited in what I can do...and besides being embarassing, I don't feel like I can be myself and can't do the things I normally enjoy doing. Anyway, I know that's not responding directly to your question, but I just wanted to add that to the discussion to see how others have handled the early stages of dating with IBD.

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

I met my future husband through a friend.

We started dating and he was pretty much up front about what Crohns was and how it effected his life. Besides the added stress of a partner with Crohns its pretty much a non issue.

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

I also was afraid to date after being diagnosed with UC.  You have to remember that not everyone is going to be able to deal with it.  I had an experience where I was dating someone and he just could not deal with all that comes with the condition.  

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

I did I am still with the guy we have been together almost 2 yrs now I told him right away I didnt want any secrets and if I had to run to the restroom I didnt want him to think it was because of him. He understands to the point he can,is supportive and when I ended up in the hospital 2x in a month he was there for me. I think it helps that we are older in our 40's. But I think things can work out when you have an IBD.

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

Well, I have to say we haven't crossed that path yet.   My daughter was diagnosed with CD @ 4 and is now very well adjusted as to what she can / cannot tolerate.  

In the beginning it was a bit hard (especially when @ a playdate).  To overcome the obstacle, we just brought plenty of a "safe" snack to share w/everybody. 

My daughter is ten now and we live a fairly active "normal" life.  We do go to restaurants, museums, movies, shopping.....so I guess those are some things you may do on a date.   One thing we always do is never go against a "gut" feeling.  Often times I can tell if she is just not herself.  If we had plans to go to a movie, I'll change it up and rent one in (just to be safe). 

You may actually meet someone interesting at a CCFA event....that would lessen any stress over the CD/UC talk.

Good luck to you.........happy dating!

Lizzies Mom

 Reply posted for alanschachter.

Yes and happily married the guy!

SCD or any restricted eating leads to issue.  Ray and I still have them.  In fact it was fairly unpleasant in my home last night.  So here is the deal- be forthcoming with your diet.  I take my food with me to family events (my food usually is the biggest hit.)  We choose restaraunts where I know I can amend the menu to my needs.  We still have moments though.  He has never had any stomache issue in his life.  I look healthy and seem to be doing okay dokey so what is the problem.  He has read the books but he is unwilling to make the committment to healthier living. He does not understand why I can not kick up my heals and eat a chili cheeseburger a-plenty.  I don't like it for one and two, I like to live pain free.  You really do not want to be with someone who does not understand and want the best for you.  I will have to admit that Ray's issue is my size.  He is terrified I am going to get back down to 89 pounds. 

I am fairly open with my Crohn's.  I think educating people about the disease is a good thing.  I do not go into details.  I have raised 3 children that have a wonderful understanding of their bodies and bodies that know good food. I am now trying to explain that beer is not a food source. They love to ruffle my feathers.  My babies went 10 years (school years) without antibiotics. Now, after they flew the nest.....well, not too many antibiotics.

Enjoy dating.  Enjoy life.  People just assume I am anorexic.  I let them. 

Breezy

 Reply posted for alanschachter.

Hence why I used that language... been on SCD for almost a year now.

Dating with IBD is hard enough, but adding SCD to the mix makes things even more challenging. Especially with a recent setback from antibiotics... Good thing I like chicken soup..

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

I've had stomach issues since I was young, but hadn't been diagnosed till 18. So, I dated without concern (and still do). My recent significant other has dealt with a bad flare up (right after we started dating too!), and doesn't seem bothered by it at all. (My theory is, if they can't deal, it's their loss!) I date and deal. Sure, if I have bad gas or have to make long trips to the ladies room it's embarrassing, but I make a joke out of it and move on. I usually tell them pretty early on, and just explain what it is. I've never dated a guy who wasn't supportive, so it's never been a major issue. I have a close girlfriend who has Crohn's, and has a very limited diet because of it...she never has had difficulty finding a boyfriend. In fact, they seem to strive to impress her more with their knowledge of what she can eat, and then cook for her. I think overall, you just have to date people who accept it. Sure, it's not always easy to understand or accept, but with time, as long as they are good people, they will. And, I think it helps weed out the bad ones anyways! After all, if they aren't willing to stick by you through some yucky symptoms, why would you want them to stick around anyways?

 Reply posted for kevin63z.

To each his own, but personally I wouldn't date anyone that didn't have a restricting disease of some sort. I've been single since is was 52 { 22 years}and have accepted the fact that I'll probably stay that way. I rarely go out even in groups because when I am out I go home right after I eat. It's not an easy future but every one has to make their own choices. Good Luck