Community Forum

I know very little about these illnesses except what I know from my friend.  She has struggled with this for years, had surgeries, lots of poking and prodding, lots of frustration....the whole nine yards.  Although I feel awful for what she has to deal with re: her illness on a day to day basis, but that's not why I'm writing.

I think a combination of factors (low self-esteem and marginalization due to illness, death of a close family matter, a twin who lives a healthy fruitful life, lack of identity, underlying anxiety and depression etc)  have caused my friend to give up on life.  She is now a victim and has been for years.  A professional one.  As she puts it, she stopped developing when she got sick.  She abuses drugs (pain pills), cigarettes and is an alcoholic.  She doesn't think she will live until 40 and I get the impression that this is a slow suicide.  She has no self-worth or if she does, she is so afraid of change that she cannot move forward with her life.

She is so attached to her identify as a "sick person" now that I am worried she will never move forward.  She is killing herself.  She has money issues and insurance issues which helps her to rationalize not getting help. 

She has a very close group of loving friends who have tried to help her over the years and she has a sister who couldn't possibly love her more.  However, this is one of those times (long overdue) where you realize she's hit bottom.  If something else doesn't change, she'll die.  She's also going to lose some degree of support from her friends b/c no-one can trust her anymore and we are fed the same lines over and over and over.....with no follow-through.

Any advice?  I almost feel like she needs an intervention and like 6 months at a treatment facility but I have no idea how or who would pay for that or if there are any that are particularly good for people with Chronic Disease?

Thank you,
concerned friend

 Reply posted for jvari.

I think working with a counselor < yourself and other concerned friends / family> who has experience with chronic illness will help you process, and they do have connections that can recommend the right kind of interventionist, and right kind of treatment.  Just with any kind of addiction or illness, each person on the inside and the outside gets to make a choice.  If you choose to take your condition and your health by the horns and become your own best advocate.....you have some control.  But it can be a full time job and a huge commitment of continuous learning and self control ( dr's, medication, food, diet, activity, stress, treatments, work, family, life and death) and adaptation.  Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail.  Know that your friend loves and appreciates you.  Tell your friend that you love and appreciate them.  Tell everyone in her support network that you know that you love and appreciate them.  One of the best gifts of my poor health was the 10 week class LIVING WITH CHRONIC CONDITIONS.   It gave me a lot of tools and coping skills at a time that I was getting very ill [ I spent the last two sessions in the hospital].  Set limits and expectations, open a door to health, and take care of YOU!

 Reply posted for Joe.

I highly recommend acupunture and Chiropratic care along with meditation and visulization.  Stress is the main cause of this disease and we must excersize by walking to keep ourselves positive.  Your friend needs to create a commitment to wellness and have a life premise rather than a death premise.  It is a choice and commitment that we must make on a moment to moment basis without letting ourselves down.  Ask your friend to hold him or herself in their arms as their own child and promise that child that he or she will be there no matter what.  One cannot not give up that is the bottom line.  It is our belief in ourselves and in the God that is in us that keeps us going and renews us constantly if we ask.  Angels cannot intervene without our invitation.  Therefore I call on all angels for you and your friend at this time!  May God be with you.  You may email me at laimingpetersen@yahoo.com.

 Reply posted for jvari.

I think your friend would really benefit from a therapist.  She can find one in her area by going to psychologytoday and clicking on "Find a Therapist".  When I got diagnosed with this, I started seeing a therapist because I was really healthy all my life and then all of a sudden, this happened.  It was really hard and went through a lot of phases including eating everything that I knew was bad.  But I am now a lot more hopeful and determined to not let it ruin my life.

 Reply posted for jvari.

Dear concerned friend,

I am sorry to hear what your friend is going through, and also what you are going through as someone that cares about her. I agree that she may need to go to a treatment center. It sounds like she needs professional help to deal with the challenges she has been presented. Have you spoken with a psychologist or psychiatrist?

She is lucky to have you as a friend.

Good luck,
ForumUser

 Reply posted for jvari.

There is a weekly radio show called "Stepping Out". It airs on Saturday night from 10pm to midnight, central standard time, two one hour shows back to back. Here it is FM 107.1. They say it is broadcast to our troops overseas so I assume it is nationwide. The program showcases Alcoholics Anonymous and covers all addictions, from food, gambling, drugs, medications, compulsive behavior and alcohol. This approach does not cost anything. You will get a lot of good information here which will help you understand your friend better. You learn the steps to take for recovery. It is a invaluable resourse. In each show they interview a guest and you walk with them through their journey. Each and everyone will have a moment when they give up the struggle and seek help, when they can no longer continue on their path to destruction. See if you can get your friend to listen every week. It will give you both hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.          Joe