Community Forum

I had a very bad flare up last year, in which I was very sick and lost a lot of weight. Now I'm having problems coping with gaining all that weight back again.  I always thought I could lose a few extra pounds, so when I lost A LOT of pounds, I felt much better about my body.  That weight loss was not a reality though, because I was so weak from the sickness, that I could barely walk, leaving me crippled with my illness for months on end after wards as my life came to a halt.While I was sick, I promised myself I would never again be ungrateful for my body.  I realized all I cared about was being healthy & that I didn't care what size my body was, but that I would appreciate it more. Now that I'm back to myself (more or less), & in remission, I am battling this body image thing.  I saw how thin I was and how much I enjoyed it.  I got compliments and comments from people about my thinness.And now, I'm back to my original weight (even a little heavier), and really having a difficult time with this.  I miss my thin body....Anyone else feel this way? I feel so selfish for even going back to this un-appreciation of my body, but at the same time, I'm faced with it on a daily basis when pants that used to fall off me, are now too tight, or when I see pictures of myself when I was really thin.  Has anyone gone through something similar, can anyone offer help or support around this?

 Reply posted for Tazia Moore.

Tazia,  I am the male version of you! lol! I am 133-139 lbs and eat tons and also very healthy! I have have skinny comments all my life mostly from people who wish they had a body like me, of course minus the crohns. I recently had small bowel resection on Feb 16th and I feel so much better allready. I had a fistula and abcess which realyl was just leaking poision into my body, I had back and chest pain also my right groin was sore, now even 9 days out of surgery and I feel, do I almost say great? I race mtn bikes and hit lifetime fitness so we will see in another 4.5 weeks if I am cleared to go back to normal activity. My surgeon thinks I will even gain weight now that my small intestine is actually working right! Hope your doing good as it has been a while since you posted this! Hope to see a reply from you! Billy.

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

I definitly know the feeling.

When i was sick i was down to under 100 pounds (normally 125) and i was too weak to even walk. I remember looking in the mirror one day and being so freaked out by what i saw. I remember thinking I would so much rather be overweight than look like a bag of bones.

Now that i'm in remission i have gained back all my weight (plus a little) . I should be so happy right? But why do i feel fat?

 Reply posted for whisperkitty.

Thanks for posting Whisperkitty.  I'm glad to hear I'm not the only person in this world feeling these feelings.  I just wish it would go away, instead of being a constant battle.  I'm so sick of this disease!

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

Same problem! I've had UC since I was 16. In college I was a size 0-2 (also really sick) but I loved how thin I was. I could wear anything and everyone laways told me how jealous they were that I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight. Then I went  up to 116 after college. I thought I was fat. Eventually I got used to it and started to love my curves (keep in mind I say this tongue in cheek, I was only a size 4 even at 116 )Then I went to 122 and thought I was even fatter. Last year I had a major hit with the UC and ended up in the hospital for a week. For a whole 4 months after that I couldn't do anything, could barely eat. I went back down to 104 and decided I was too skinny. I decided once I could start eating I would try to get back to about 110. Well, apparently something changed in my metabolism and now I'm 130 and feeling like the fattest kid on the block. The UC really messes with you. I try to keep perspective and tell myself at a size 6-8 I'm not fat and I'll be happy I have these extra pounds if I get hit with another flare but on the other hand I find myself trying to diet like a mad woman to get back down to 110.

The moral of all of this is is it's really good to know we're not alone. People tell me I'm crazy all the time because of my weight issues but really, it's good know that others with UC/Crohn's have this same issue. So thank you for posting!

 Reply posted for midgetharpe.

Hi midgetharpe
Thanks for responding.  You sound determined to beat this - and I say - good for you.  I wouldn't be surprised if there can be a link with eating disorders.  I think what the most difficult thing is about IBD is this complete loss of control - loss of control about how we feel, how we look, how we live, and that we have a chronic illness that requires a lot of attention and medication (sometimes more so at different times).  And, I can't imagine what it's been like for you to have been given all of these "solutions" which are not really the answers.  Hope now that you are confirmed to have colitis that it will give you a better sense of what exactly is going on.  Hang in there.  I think it's about taking it one day at a time.

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

Unlike many who respond, I am 66 and have had boughts with what use to be called mucous colitis, then spastic colon, then IBS, and all complicate with what was labeled aneorexia/bulemia.  Interestingly, the aneorexia was when I was having a bad flare up.  The bulemia has been when Ive been given meds and stopped trying to stay off sweets and carbs.  In 2007 I was diagnosed by my gastro doc as having colageneous colitis.  Before that it was small bowel bacteria.  Ive been through quite a journey.  Some of my daughters think I have always had an eating disorder, which they are concerned that they dont acquire.  Finally, I was told two days ago that, "You have colitis. You will always have it and you will always have the diarrhea."  Realizing what that means, I see that I fall in the IBD category now and that there is a new reality.  I have gone from 116 and thin, to 108 and thinner, to 90lbs and size 0, to 194 lbs from meds.  I have now gone from 180lbs to 165 and traveling back down.  I know what triggers me and it is sugars, carbs, and stress.  But I see the aneorexia around the corner again.  This time I want to be ahead of it and win this war.

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

I have HUGE body image issues.  I've had Crohn's for 3 years and before I got it I weighed 274 lbs.  I lost 110 of it in about a year from being so sick.  Then gained 30 lbs on steroids.  Then lost 50 lbs in this year (20 this past summer)  As a result I developed a twisted self image.  I have loose skin from the rapid loss and I think it's fat (I am a size 4- size 6 now with my bones sticking out everywhere lol)  Even though I am at a healthy weight I feel huge when I gain 5 lbs.  I have heard it takes a really long time to change that and it takes a focus on eating healthy and exercising in order to be as healthy as possible, not what size you wear.  After being so sick for so long I just want to have energy and feel good.  Hoping I learn to accept my body on the way!

 Reply posted for nsudakof.

I can completely relate to you in every way.  I really dont like feeling ashamed about my body.  Going through body changes (especially so quickly) is a very difficult thing (I think especially for women).  I think how Im learning to cope with it is to think of all the positive things about my body -- and Im talking about the basic, every day things that we often take for granted (such as being able to walk, to breathe, to exercise, to eat, to feel well).  I think sometimes, we can be so hard and so harsh on our bodies - which isnt fair.  Really, the only reason why our bodies get so sick with IBD is because our bodies are trying to protect us (b/c it mistakenly thinks there are foreign substances in the intestine which in return causes the inflammation).  I suppose try to take it one day at a time.  You wont feel like this forever.  You wont be on the steroids forever.  I know how much this sucks and I really wish I could say something that would make you feel better.  There may be other things bothering you too, and for some reason your body is getting the brunt of it. It sounds like youve only recently found out about your illness, so try to be kind to yourself, its a difficult concept to process, having a chronic illness, and all that it entails.If you can get the energy to meet up with a friend or a few people - I say go for it, support is so important! Please take care.

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

I am going through the same exact thing, it started today! I'm a senior in college, and just recently got diagnosed about a month or so ago. I lost about 15 pounds and I felt good (b.c i looked thin and got compliments) but I felt guilty (b.c i knew I was being selfish and I knew I was unhealthy). Now, I am starting to pack on the pounds, and today was the first day I really noticed it. I looked in the mirror and cried. I feel disgusting. I wouldn't leave my house today because I don't want to be seen in public. I'm 21 years old, in college, suppose to be enjoying life and going out with my friends at the bars. But instead, tonight, I decided I was to embarrassed to go out b.c of how fat I look all a sudden. Im freaking out. I've been crying all day long. My mom has told me I was just used to seeing myself SOO THIN (that is was almost disgusting) and now Im getting healthy and should be happy..but I'm not. I can't feel happy when I feel so ugly that I won't even go out on a Friday night! My face looks like a bloated balloon. The fricken Prednisone is making me look AWFUL! I feel depressed right now. 

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

I definitely agree with everything you describe.  I get the most compliments when I am the sickest and the thinnest (and accordingly, feeling the worst).  Then, when I'm recovering and eating and feeling better, that is, gaining weight, suddenly those compliments stop.  Then you question the way you "should" be, etc.  So, the real question is, are YOU going to decide what is right for you, or are you going to let society determine it?

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

I'm so glad you posted this, I feel this way all the time and I hate the Crohn's for messing with my body image. I hate having 3 sets of different sized clothes that I switch out. After my first big flare I lost a lot of weight, and than I gained back a LOT of weight. Last year I had another flare and lost tons of weight, during the summer. It made me feel terrible because I knew I was to thin but I loved the way some parts of my body looked (mainly chest, I hate having large boobs) in my new bathing suit.

 Reply posted for breezy.

Thanks Tazia & Breezy,
Trying to take it one day at a time and appreciate what I've got.  I really appreciate your responses and suggestions.

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

Sara,

I am the opposite of you dealing with weight issues because when I have a flare up my clothes size is 4 and when I am healthy I wear a size 6. Basically, I have been dealing with crohn disease for 24 yrs. now and I am 37 but I tell myself that I am basically made in God's image. It is time for me to start loving Tazia just the way she is and stop tripping about it. I laugh sometimes because one side of my closet are  clothes of size 4 for flare up moments. And, the other side of my closet are for clothes of size 6 when I am healthy. For the past 24 yrs., I have been trying to gain 10 more pounds so I can weigh 105 for my height ( 4' 10 1/2) and drink the BoostPlus & Smoothies on a regular basis. But, no luck. I discovered that I have such a high metabolism that it absorbs everything thing that I eat. Trust & Believe I Love To Eat!!! Morale of the story: You have to love & accept yourself  for just who you are!!!You have control of Crohn Disease and do not let crohn disease have control of you. Amen!

Tazia

 Reply posted for Sara2010.

Sara,

I am dealing with the same thing.  I loved wearing 2s and 0s.  I feel huge when in reality I am a very good weight.  I am now working on regaining my muscle tone.  I have none.  I used to work out a lot but the illness kept me from it for 2 1/2 years.  I am trying to now get back into exercising.  I know that the "jiggles" I see are causing me to think "fat".

I am relearning how to put an effort into my appearance.  Every little thing I do to get back to what I did before the knockout punch (lasted from 2007 until the end of 2009) halted me.  It helps. 

Hugs!

Breezy