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Hi, I was diagnosed with Chrons in early 2010. This changed my life completely and obviously not for the better. Things have been so much harder because of the disease. 2010 was the hardest year I had ever dealt with. It also put me in a whole bunch of financial problems. Also it has made school a lot harder than it already is. I'm trying to get into nursing school and I'm afraid with the stress that comes with school it will only get worse and I won't be able to make it. At times when things get really tough I just start crying and asking why me? I get really depressed and just wish it would end. Sometimes I feel like I can't get through everything and I don't know how to. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone and noone ever understands me.

I'm sick of being at school and having to go to the bathroom and going to work and having to go. It's embarassing. I'm sick of having accidents. I just want to get better. I'm sick of all the testing and shots and blood work. I'm sick of the DISGUSTING drinks they make you do the day before a colonoscopy. That is the hardest part about a colonoscopy.

Sometimes I feel like I can't go on and I just want to throw in the towel and give up.... I just needed to vent. Sorry =/

 Reply posted for motherlovesbaby.

Please don't think I am being disrespectful, but I just don't see how GOD is going to make any of this suffering better.  If GOD is so great, why doesn't he make it go away?  If GOD is so great, why does he make people suffer and children die of cancer?

Knowing GOD is going to "keep me near his bosom" is not going to take away the pain and illness.  I just do not get this way of thinking AT ALL. 

 Reply posted for jvu.

I have suffered with Crohn's for 13 years, since I was 9.  What we have to go through is so unfair.  I try to be normal, but it's hard.  The things we deal with are emberrassing and frusterating and are hard to talk about.  This disease can control everything about your life, from when what you eat, when you need to take meds, and where you can go.  I have learned by  being involved and proactive in your care, you can get some sense of control.   I have started taking medications and recieving counseling for the anxiety and depression that go along with my illness.  This is just another way to be proactive in your care.  Having a place like the CCFA Commuinty is a godsent.  This disease can isolate you and alienate you from the people in your life because they cannot understand what a illness like this truly means, which is not their fault, but it makes having relationships harder.  It is important to to have a way to talk to someone who knows how a crhonic diseae can effect you, whether this is a psychologist or a support group. To all those out there who are struggling, it is important to try to remember that we are not alone.

 Reply posted for jvu.

JVU, I understand where you are at. I'm almost done with my Master's Degree in Social Work, and this has been the worst 2 years of my life in many ways.

Things do get better. I once swore I'd never use a public bathroom for #2, now I've learned to bring individually wrapped Cottonelle Wipes and spray, and do what needs to be done.

Given how you are feeling, you might want to think about talking to a therapist, because it sounds like you are struggling. At the very least, you may want to talk to the disability center at your school, they may have some great ideas. Luckily my school has been realllly supportive of me.

Things with the Crohn's do get better as you learn to cope with it. Remember that your diagnosis is still new, and you are still adjusting. But with regards to your depression, talk to someone: a therapist, your PCP, you don't need to suffer.

Email me if you'd like!

Sheri

 Reply posted for motherlovesbaby.

enjoyed your post I also am a firm believer in prayer and Gods help and with out it would not have been able to fair anywhere close to a normal life. He is most Awesome!!!!!!!!

 Reply posted for tommygirl.

  I agree with you!

I too have had family blame me for having Crohns. I have had people say that I had Aids, that I was on Heroin and so forth. As a result I had to stop talking to some of my family members. It just was not worth it anymore.

Please know that you are never alone, there are people out there that know exactly what you are going through and will stand behind you 100 percent.

 Reply posted for jvu.

Well after reading through this entire thread it is so comforting to know that there are people out there that understand.

I have Crohns, UC and UP (Ulcerative Proctitis) that are unresponsive to all drugs except prednisone. I am the youngest of 4 and my older siblings just have no clue...they dont understand why I dont want to babysit there kids; and I quote my sister "You just dont understand how tired I am; chasing after the babies all day and then playing taxi and maid to the 2 older teenagers and husband the rest of the day" end quote! ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME! POOR YOU! Nevermind the fact that I have diarrhea 6-20 times per day; get up every 2 hours during the night, have to have blood infusions because Im so anemic etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.......I still manage to work 40+ hours a week, take care of my daughter and husband and try to stay sane and happy for everyone else.

 I try very hard to live a normal life; however lately I have been struggling mostly with the mental aspects. I get so embarrassed and ashamed at restaurants when I have to leave in the middle of my meal and spend the next 15-20 minutes in the bathrm. I feel like everyone in  the place has noticed how long I was gone. Not to mention the major embarrassment while in the bathroom with other occupants...

I was accused once of being a drug addict and that I was snorting cocaine mutliple times thru the day because of going to the bathroom so much...good times!

Sorry I know this post is all over the place...but I had to get a couple of the bricks off my chest!

 Reply posted for jvu.

 I have all the faith in the world that you will finish school. I found out in April 2009 that i had Chrons after years of suffering. I was in school. I was told at that time to drop out of school because i would not make it. I was in school to be a elem. teacher. I was down i was depressed i wanted it to end. Now its Feb. 2011 i have my degree in elem. education. I was told over and over being sick that I could not do it. I have to say at least i had my family to support me. Even though my husband did leave me because he could not deal with me being sick. Oh well his lose.

I really think that you can make it and get your degree in nursing. If you every want to talk feel free to message me.

Annie

 Reply posted for jvu.

I'm just getting out of a 2 1/2 year bad flareup (pain,etc.)  Lost 30 lbs and ended up being hospitalized a month ago for a 'nervous breakdown'  I'm getting help with 2 kinds of meds for depression and more meds to get the Crohn's into remission.  I'm just wondering how long would you think it will take to get back to "normal" - mentally.  I already feel better and have a little more energy and don't want to die anymore.  Does anyone have any insight or experiences to this?

 Reply posted for jvu.

Thank you all so much for comments. It really does truly help. I'm glad I'm not alone in the world that's going through this. I wish I knew someone with Chrons. Like a friend just someone to talk to that understands what I'm going through.

I know I will get through this. There are just tough times just like for anyone else.

 Reply posted for jvu.

Hello, you have my sincerest empathy for you situation. I was diagnosed with Crohn's when I was 10-years old; a little more than 20-years ago. I have also returned to school. I am in one of the top 5-Paramedic programs in the nation. We are in class for 7-days a week; didactics and clinic/field shifts. Please, have determination and belief that you can accomplish more than is imaginable. Send a reply if you want to chat.  

 Reply posted for laraizant.

It is really sad to hear that your family does not understand your pain. Sometimes you have to change the people areound you to have a better life. And if that is what you need for your own sanity and self worth, then I encourge you to do so. The one person who will never leave you or forsake you is God. I am not trying to throw religion on you but he will keep you in his bosom and keep you from all hurt and harm. Prayer does change things and I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

God Bless You!!

 Reply posted for jvu.

JVU-

I can help you. Listen, I have had Crohns for 20 years. I have a license in xray and mri. I know exactly where you are at in life, EXACTLY!!!! I struggled in the same way that you are. You dont need to be going through what you are going through. There are some things you need to know. Things that I didnt figure out untill after years of suffering through school. I would like to help you understand some thing. PLEASE CALL!!!

 Reply posted for laraizant.

I don't know why, but my last post, posted very weird. I didn't curse where the *** are. It didn't post the way I wrote it! Hopefully it makes sense!

 Reply posted for jvu.

i know just how you feel. i was diagnosed last year as well, and 2010 has definitely been the hardest year of my life. i was unable to work for two years before i got diagnosed and was in constant, agonizing pain & spent the bulk majority of my year in the er or doctor's offices. right before i got diagnosed, i found out my family thought i was addicted to pain medicine (even though at the time, i hadn't taken any narcotics in 3 months). it was extremely *** me & has taken it's toll in many aspects of my life. i have no support from my family, and no matter how hard i try (including giving them medical records & pharmacy history), i can't get them to believe me. it's been really, really stressful which just made the crohn's worse. i have already gone through 2 jobs since september because of my health, and it just makes life more stressful because i don't feel like i can succeed & contribute to my family.

anyways, i guess i needed to vent too. i don't mean for it to sound like, "whoa is me"; just wanted to let you know you are not alone. if you ever need to vent, this is the place to do it because we all understand what you are going through.