Where do I go from here? And, after 20 years why does it still seem so unfair?
Sat, March 26, 2011 2:39 PM
I would like to say I am an optimist at heart. I try very hard to stay positive, but lately I have been very down. I am at a very deep bottom where I see no light of hope at all :-(
I am 37, I have been dealing with Crohn's disease for 20+ years. After 20+ years, I have had a collective total of maybe 1 year of good days. I have never once been in complete total remission. I clearly understand everyones experience with this illness is different. I wish I was one of the fortunate ones who leads a normal healthy life.
I feel this illness has done absolutely nothing positive for my life. It has brought me nothing but grief, financial woes ($250,000 in debt), heartache, physical pain, anxiety, depression, etc, etc, etc....
I have been to the worlds ends desperatly persuing a cure to this illness. I have persued stem cell treatment, supplements, diets, and loads of alternative therapy so that I can cure myself and finally move on with my life. I have had no luck with alternative therapy or western medicine. As a matter of fact, I have been the victum of scams many times over by unscroupulous people selling false cures.
I apologize for sounding so negative in my post, but I need help.
I feel I have been cheated out of a normal life. I have a lot of resentment and I get angry, depressed, and upset about all this. All I want is to be able to eat like a normal person, be steadily employed, have a girlfriend, not take these toxic medications, and be happy.
I just don't know where to go from here. I have no support system. I have a small broken family who is very concerned for there own well being and my girlfriend left me. Since I started working from age 14 my best income is $17,000 in 1 year. I have $25,000 in school loans which can not be discharged and I live in my car. I can't take another day of this. I am at my wits ends.
I have hit my max words that I can post so I continued this in a sperate post, please read that one also. Thank you.
rethomp1974Joined Dec 13, 2009
Fri, July 01, 2011 10:31 AM
Reply posted for rethomp1974.
Hi, I just read your story and you and I are so alike! I am a 35 yr old female with crohns. I have been dealing with this horrible disease for 20 years and feel the same way you do. I find myself angry and depressed all the time and noone really gets it! My family seems to think i can just snap out of the depression so i dont even bother talking to them anymore about it. I feel so alone and angry. I kinda feel like my life stopped when i got sick at the age of 15. I have never had any meaningful employment and I have missed out on just living a normal life. I get so jealous of ppl who wake up everyday and go about their daily lives without giving it a second thought. I on the other hand, wake up in horrible pain everyday followed by several bathroom visits. I hardly ever go out anymore for fear of being struck with that horrible pain and i hate using public restrooms! The only time i feel comfortable to go out is when i have my pain meds. They stop the pain and the restroom visits. The drawback to those is that you can get addicted. I would love to not have to take a pill just so i can do something as simple as going to the grocery store! How do you cope with everything? Im at a loss. I wish i had someone to talk to that could relate to what im going through. I feel like i have to keep my feelings to myself cuz noone else understands. Not to mention how embarrassing this stupid disease is! I would really like to talk to you more. Just for support and advice ya know. Maybe we can help each other out. I have much more i could say, but im gonna go for now and try to eat something. Wish me luck! HA!!
Joined Jun 1, 2011