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so my boyfriend, daniel, was diagnosed with crohn's about two months ago.  his little brother has suffered with crohn's for three years now, so no one was particularly surprised when daniel was diagnosed, just sad.  his disease was so aggressive the doctors told him about three weeks ago that they could no longer treat him with medication and scheduled him for surgery three days later.  he ended up being in a seven hour surgery (originally planned to take one and a half hours with only small incisions) with a 7 inch incision down the center of his body. 

it's been really hard to see him so down...he's such an active, independent person.  he's said to me a few times that he feels useless, that he can't do this anymore, that he wasn't cut out to handle this disease.  i've done what i can, along with his family, to keep him positive, but i just don't know enough about what he's going through to help him. 

does anyone know if he'll have permenant scars?  should he change his diet?  what should i do for him?  how can he help himself?  just any advice for a newby please, i'm at a loss of what to do.  any info, suggestions, stories, things to say to him.  anything.

 Reply posted for Terri911.

daniel is going through what a lot of us go through when we have chrones or uc then, and after surgery.

i used to say things like that all the time.  i remember saying that i'd rather die than have this surgery.  and i was down a lot of the time and it was very *** my family and my girlfriend.  especially since i had a lot of complications after my first surgery.

things will come around for him as soon as he starts feeling better.  the best thing you can do for him is support him and be there for him. it has meant so much that my gf was there for me. 

another thing that has helped me tremendously is being on support sites like this and talking about my experience.  he may want to post here, or at other forums.  it has really helped me.  i've also found a lot of blogs of people who have gone through the same thing.  i also started my own blog to write about my experience.  it helps to just write about things.  that may help him.

i'm sure he'll feel better in time and learn how to live happily.  good luck.

 Reply posted for Adriana511.

Really sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I had UC for about a year before it came down to surgery. I had my first of three surgeries done in July 2008, so I know that hes going through a really rough time. But by what I can see youre being a great support system to him, I know that at least for me if my family hadnt been there for me I dont know how I would be getting through this time in my life. I guess the best advise I can give you is to keep on being there for him, this is a pretty life altering condition and it takes some getting use to. I know that right after surgery I definetly had my bad days, but I promise it gets better. As for the scar, yeah there will be one,but its really not too bad.  Also what worked a lot for me was when I was having one of my "bad days" my mom would constantly remind me of how I was before I got the surgery...too weak to get out of bed by myself, severe anemia, ect., I guess she would put things into perspective for me. Yeah surgery sucks, but my quality of life has improved 180 degress after surgery.

Hope I was of some help and I wish you and your boyfriend the very best.

 Reply posted for Adriana511.

Hi.  I'm sorry about your boyfriend.  I have Ulcertative Colitis and will be having surgery to remove my colon on October 24th.  I might also have a large incision.  My surgeon told me that the scar would heal over time and not look so bad.  You might want to encourage your boyfriend to join a support group or use this forum to talk with others who have been through it.  You could also go to a support group with or without him to understand this disease more and what others go through.  Also he might want to consult his doctor about antidepressants to get him through this rough period.  It's not unusual for people with Crohn's and UC to get Depression from taking Prednisone and the lack of control and uncertainty about the disease.  I am on Zoloft and it has helped me so much to feel normal again.  I have also found seeing a Pshycologist to be helpful.  Good luck to both of you.  This is a very dificult disease to deal with, but know that you are not alone.   

Lori

 Reply posted for Terri911.

thank you very much, it's just been *** all of us

 Reply posted for Adriana511.

You asked what you can do for him-  You are already doing it--- being there for him, being supportive and getting educated in his medical wellness.  He is so lucky to have you care and want to help his wellbeing not just physically but also mentally.     Hang in there- his journey has just begun. 

 Reply posted for Terri911.

To answer your questions- Yes he will have scars from his surgery. I have a nice scar from my bikini line up to mid abdomen.  It has faded but my kids call it the worm (that is what they think it looks like).  As for diet- everyone is different. Somedays he will be able to handle a certain food a few weeks later that same food may give him trouble. 

 Reply posted for Terri911.

To answer your questions

 Reply posted for Adriana511.

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend.  However, he sure is lucky to have your love and support.