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New Mom, Bad Flare


Thu, October 03, 2013 1:58 PM

I've been sick with UC for over 6 years now, and finally was able to have a beautiful baby girl in the beginning of September. She's perfect! But I'm not. I'm sicker than I've ever been before along with the worst case of proctitis I've ever experienced.

I can't enjoy my little girl. I can't take her anywhere to show her off. Today was my pregnancy group reunion, and here I am on the couch half the time and on the toilet the other half. I'm in pain constantly, I'm embarrassingly incontinent, I feel horribly sick with body aches and fevers, I'm exhausted. I can't produce enough milk so I have to supplement with formula, and it hurts her tiny tummy. I can't add treatments w/o having to give up breastfeeding altogether. The joint pain in my wrists is so bad I have trouble holding her.

My doctor wants to do another colonoscopy (my 6th in 6yrs), but then my little one can't nurse for 30+ hrs, and I'm afraid she'll forget about nursing altogether. Plus, I need deep sedation for the procedure (I've had so many...), and we have to travel 300 miles round trip to do it (we're very rural). I just can't muster the strength anymore. Stress doesn't help anything from breastfeeding to colitis, I know, but I can't help it. I don't know if I'm stressed as much as just... sad. Disappointed. Frustrated. Longing with all that I am to be healthy more than I ever have before. Praying that this seclusion isn't a foreshadowing of what my daughter's life is going to be like having me for a Mom. I'm sick and tired of having to put my health first. I'm sick and tired of fighting so hard and never getting better. I just want to be a good Mom, not a Mom who has to put her baby down midway through nursing to run to the bathroom and listen to her cry for me.

FPO megsmitty
Joined Oct 3, 2013

Sat, October 05, 2013 11:10 AM

 Reply posted for megsmitty.

It's ok new mom.   Your little one is so new she will not have memory of those moments when you need to put her down to use the restroom.  Giving birth in general is a very traumatic experience hormones are out of control, emotions are running high and we all just want it to play out like a Lifetime Movie.  Unfortunately, this is real life.   You need to lighten up on yourself (I am talking from experience)often times we are our own worst enemy.   I found sometimes just taking my new baby outside just for a few quiet moments and fresh air would help me relax and the sun light would give me some much needed exposure to the outside world.  I had broken my tailbone during birth and sitting on a breast feeding pillow with the opening in the back gave some relief, the same may help you too!   Also, lots of fluid, small / more frequent meals and taking a nap whenever possible.   Don't be so hard on yourself, hang in there, tomorrow is a new day. 

FPO lizzies mom
Joined Sep 9, 2009

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