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My long term boyfriend has Crohns and was diagnosed in 2001.  He has been on Remicade and receives treatments but they also have had him on prednisone for the last 6 weeks and it makes him someone hes not.  I know hes not feeling well and he has decided to completely shut me out and barely speaks to me currently. 

I am at a loss of how to deal with this and dont want to be pressuring or push too much because I know hes not feeling normal.  I hate prednisone.

Does anyone have any suggesstions on how to manage this right now?

Thank you.

 Reply posted for Jessi Messy.

this comment is so insightful and right on.
I was reading and torn between what it's like to be on prednisone and what it's like to live with someone on it.
Everyone matters.
I agree with the whole message, especially the prayers! I am new to any group for GI problems, although not new to the health issues.
I don't have IBD, but many other GI things, and now my dd of 28 has Crohn's.
So good to read such wisdom. I feel that I have come to a good place.

 Reply posted for karnold74.

You are wonderful! If only everyone had someone so supportive as you...

 Reply posted for kerdman74.

To all for your responses and thoughts.....

 Reply posted for kerdman74.

All I can say is that my son is the same way when he is on prednisone. Just remember every time he starts acting weird that it is not him but the pain and drugs. Everything must be laced with love. He will examine every comment so make sure you NEVER SAY "I know how  you feel". Just tell him how much you love him and ask him what you can do to help. Listen to what he says. You could even say, "so you want me to _____", just to make sure you heard what he "said".  Sometimes people don't communicate well and that makes their suffering more painful so don't get angry. Tell him how you hate to see him suffer, but that you are there for him. Again, remember it is the pain and drugs talking when he pushes you away. Sometimes they need space to regroup and think about their behavior as well. You have to develop a thick skin. I hope this helps.

 Reply posted for karnold74.

Okay, I cannot let you believe that your feelings are irrelevant. What he's going through is very serious, yes. But YOU still matter. Your feelings matter just as much as his do.  Once he can think for himself, he will know that and agree. But until the pills stop doing his thinking for him, you will need to be patient.

If his feelings really are his own - heaven forbid - you will need to decipher that on your own. Hopefully, you'll get a chance to discuss this with him when he is clear-headed - sober.

The way he is acting now - the symptoms his friends described - sounds a lot like he is suffering from depression. Please call his doctor or take him there yourself. Depression is serious. If he won't accept your help, then get someone to help you get him the help he needs.

I will pray for you both. Good luck. And remember that YOUR FEELINGS DO MATTER!

 Reply posted for Jessi Messy.

That's wonderful to hear for you...happy anniversary. 

I would like to think it's the crohns and the prednisone but then you never know like you said.  I try to talk to him but he's still closed off to me completely. 

Others that have been around him though have told me that they feel he's quiet, very clammed up sort of speaking and doesn't really seem himself.

I guess I will keep praying and hoping everyday but I will say this it's been a true test of how much patience and love I have for someone because at times I find myself so angry and angry with his specialist especially since there are other steroids out on the market and they have not had the same nightmare side effects.  I'm becoming frustrated and Im trying not to be because my feelings right now are irrelevant to what he's going through.

BUT yes your story has helped me a great deal...and I thank you very very much for sharing.  You've been a saving grace to my mental state.

 Reply posted for kerdman74.

If he is telling you that he doesn't feel the same for you as he did before, it is very probable that the meds are speaking. Another thought may be just as realistic, though...

My husband had a lot of thinking time on his HORRIBLE meds they had him on 7 years ago. He said similar things to me. His thought train led him to believe that, because of his high volumes of love for me, I shouldn't have to live with and suffer through his disorder. The only way, in his mind, to "set me free" was to scare me away with his mean words.

Well, obviously, it didn't work. And he is EVER SO GRATEFUL that I didn't believe him when he told me we were over.

Only you know your situation. I can't tell you that things for you are just like what I went through - or that things will be as magical for the two of you as they are for me and my husband. But, at least I may give you some things to consider during this difficult stage in your lives.

I don't share this story of our first year of marriage with very many people. And now it's here for anyone to read. I hope and pray that these things have helped you. (My husband and I just celebrated our 8th year of marriage today!)

 Reply posted for kerdman74.

I did post a thank you reply but must have did it wrong because it says I only posted it for "Lizzie's Mom"... sorry I'm new to this.

BUT, that post was for everyone and their kind word.

Thank you.

 Reply posted for Lizzies Mom.

Thank you for all the wondeful thoughts and advice.  I am struggling without having him around lately but I just keep hoping that sooner than later he goes back to being himself and he will be aware of how much I do understand and will always stand by him. 

Maybe and correct me if  I am wrong, please because I am just reading, reasearching and learning more everyday but I sometimes wonder if he even realizes how sick he is but tries to pretend he's not.

He is angry with me currently and says he loves me but since we've had an argument he doesn't feel the same any longer.  It's heart wrenching and I knew when I decided to love this man that there was a possibility he could become ill but I had no idea what degree it could go to but even though things are the way they are currently, I still hope and pray everyday for him to feel better, his doctor to take him off that evil prednisone and for him to go back to being himself and seeing him walk through that door.

I am at a loss of what to do currently so I am taking all the advice and great thoughts everyone has been so nice to give me and giving him the space he is seeking right now. 

But I did want to say thank you to all of you.  You did help me a great deal.

 Reply posted for kerdman74.

I can relate in a similar kind of way. I have UC and I am currently tapering off of prednisone. But, that's not what I'm going to share with you right now.

I married my true love 8 years ago. On our honeymoon, he had a terrifying seizure. He broke the toilet seat with his head as he fell. He vomited all over himself, lost his bowels and bladder control. I watched him writhe and convulse for about 45 seconds in this mess. (Although it seemed a lot longer than that.)

Long story short: He was diagnosed with Frontal Lobe Epilepsy and he also has another form of seizures from his PTSD. (He was honorably discharged from the army with a slew of medals, and now he's rated as 100% disabled through the VA.)

The first medicine the neurologist tried out on him was Carbotrol. This drug changed my husband in a very threatening way. He became VERY mean. My sweet, kind, loving, and patient husband now only had mean things to say to everyone around him. And he was quite loud in everything he said on top of that. He never physically hurt anyone, but words can be like knives.

The doctor said the drug needed to be used for an entire year before we could change it.

So there we were. Our first year of marriage, and it wasn't even the man I had married. I wanted so desperately to leave him. I never wanted to see this man again! But I reminded myself daily, hourly, even minutely, that there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Boy, am I glad that I was patient!

He is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me!He is currently on a medicine that has virtually no side effects, and is my sweet, kind, loving, and patient husband that I had married in the first place. The one that I knew was in there somewhere. The one I waited for...

So obviously, my advice to you is to just love him and wait it out!! I know how difficult it is, but you can do difficult things for the people you truly care about. And it sounds like you really do care about him.

Good luck and be strong!

 Reply posted for kerdman74.

i too was diagnosed about 10 years ago and have taken prednisone and felt a little out of wack. the best thing to do is give him his space. it seems that you are aware of his disease and are an understanding person which can make the process so much better for both parties. being in a relationship with crohns is challenging in so many avenues. just be aware that it isnt you, it is CROHNS thats making act this way. it will make situations like these be a slight bump in the road. gd luck

 Reply posted for kerdman74.

what a great person you are to be so considerate of his medical issues. So many people would be  frustrated and give up.  Many times I have reached my last nerve with my daughter's behaviour while being on Prednisone, but I know in my heart it is the Pred talking and not her.

If it were me, I would give him some space. There will be good times and bad times and as long as you understand that, I think you guys will be OK!

 Reply posted for kerdman74.

Lots of people are with you on Prednisone.  I think the best thing you can do is step back and let him know you are there for him (sounds like you are already doing that).   He is very lucky to have found someone as kind and understanding.   Just keep in mind, he should be tapering soon and back to his old self before you know it.  Hang in there!

Lizzies Mom