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Dealing With "IT"


Sat, August 27, 2011 11:26 AM

I'm new to the forums, and I don't have Crohn's BUT my loving girlfriend was diagnosed with it last April. I've been with her since she was diagnosed. She takes the Humara shot bi-weekly, and is on a few different meds i cannot remember; other than prednisone and some others. She is in a flare up, and has been for maybe 3 or 4 months; or longer. I love her to death, and I want to understand more about dealing with it from the outside; meaning im indirectly dealing with crohns. I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks

FPO unsureuser
Joined Aug 27, 2011

Mon, September 12, 2011 3:45 PM

 Reply posted for UnsureUser.

That is so sweet that you came on here to get more info.  I also have Crohns and have a boyfriend who tries his best to understand.  The best thing that he can do is to understand that sometimes I will have to break plans on a whim b/c symptoms can sneak up on you when you least expect them.  So try to have patience with her as best you can, because as frustrating as it can be to you, it is 100x worse for her.  Best of luck to you and to her!

FPO josie37
Joined Apr 12, 2011

Fri, September 02, 2011 11:05 AM

 Reply posted for UnsureUser.

Learn as much as you can about her disease.  I was diagnosed with UC in April and it has been an emotional and physical rollercoaster ever since.  A good book is:  The First Year:  Chron's Disease and Ulcerative Colitis An essential guide for the Newly Diagnosed" by Jill Sklar.  It is available on Amazon.

Another thing is to learn to love the diet she now has to eat.  My family has had to learn to eat dairy-free, gluten-free, low fat, caffeine free along with me.  I'm not saying that my husband doesn't still go to McDonald's but he doesn't do it in front of me.  There are several really good cookbooks available on Amazon too.

 

FPO auntwebby
Joined Aug 29, 2011

Mon, August 29, 2011 1:31 PM

 Reply posted for UnsureUser.

One thing Ray does for me that means the world- he brings me a favorite snack or beverage "just because".  When I was achey, he would sit down and rub my legs.  I never asked, he just did.  The times I was unable to do things, he would move his recliner close to the couch so he was close to me and he could reach over and just touch me.  When he is out, he will pick up an inexpensive little bauble that will make me laugh.  He sits and watches funny movies with me.  Now that I am in remission, he will make sure I have eaten my veggies and NAG me about getting out. 

All that being said, it is difficult knowing that your partner wants to get out and do things but you just do not have the energy.  It will put stress on the relationship.  Just hang in there, brighter days happen.

FPO breezy
Joined Jan 5, 2009

Sun, August 28, 2011 12:19 PM

 Reply posted for UnsureUser.

When she says she's tired or just doesnt want to do anything take her word for it. Thats the biggest problem I have with my wife, I want to sleep and she wants to go on a hike. 

FPO crogers8705
Joined Jan 5, 2010

Sat, August 27, 2011 11:40 AM

 Reply posted for UnsureUser.

The most important thing that you wrote is that you love her.  That is what she is most worried about, because IBD is certainly not sexy nor does it make one feel more attractive.  Understand that sometimes she will just need to be alone to pull herself back together--physically and emotionally.  That doesn't mean she doesn't like you or is ignoring you and your concerns.  My wife knows when I get that "look," and she's learned that the best thing that she can do at that point is nothing at all.
On the other hand, continue to make plans to do things together, and understand that not all those plans are going to work out 100%.  Life is a series of compromises and changes, but that doesn't mean that you have to stop living.  Just like with her meals, take life in small doses and enjoy them.
Be supportive, but not solicitous, and I predict you two will get through this together.

FPO bobpiano
Joined Jan 6, 2009

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