Community Forum

Have a question, or want to share your own tips and experiences? Join the discussion in the community forum. You must be registered to participate. Our forums are moderated by Crohn's & Colitis Foundation staff to facilitate a safe environment.

HELP....


Mon, August 31, 2009 1:36 PM

This disease is destroying our marriage....I have tried to help my spouse as best I can to no avail.  What can I do to help my spouse through this awful disease?  Anytime I suggest something to my spouse I get turnes down, so much so that it has made our life together very difficult for both of us.  What can I do to help make life better for all of us???  Anything would be greatly appreciated.....

FPO sickofcrohns
Joined Aug 31, 2009

Thu, September 03, 2009 12:00 AM

 Reply posted for sickofcrohns.

I'm not an expert but I have Crohn's and I sometimes feel the way your husband feels when my husband tries to help me. Although I know he means well he suggests things that don't help (and keeps suggesting them) or would make me worse. It would be better if you were the "good guy" in this and let the doctors be the "bad guys". Avoid suggesting things that he "should eat" or saying "maybe you shouldn't eat that it may make you feel worse" etc. Let him take or not take his medicine and let the doctors discuss with him what he "should do" and not do. Tell him you won't bug him if he will be honest with you and tell you what you can do to help him feel better- that may mean leaving him alone, but he may think of something else.


Don't bug him. If he's running to the bathroom, don't comment, he's dealing with enough. If he's in pain (a lot of the time) let him do what makes him feel better- that may mean staying out of his way if he's grumpy etc..

The big exception would be if you think he may be obstructing or some other serious medical problem. If he's in agony with severe pain, maybe with a fever, feels weak and vomiting he may be dealing with a pending obstruction. Maybe you can make a deal with him. You won't bug him with suggestions or advice if he's honest with you about what he wants and doesn't want to eat, but if you think it's a medical emergency let him authorize you to call the doctor or ambulance etc.

It will be hard for you but in the long run he's really alone dealing with this and he probable knows his body. It's working for me and my husband at least.

FPO titan1
Joined Sep 1, 2008

Thu, September 03, 2009 12:00 AM

 Reply posted for sickofcrohns.

I don't deal with marital problems because it is my son and not my spouse who has the disease, but we utilize a counselor anyway.  He talks to her sometimes and I do at other times.  It helps me to know how I am doing as his care provider, if I am meeting his emotional needs as well as his physical needs.  I would suggest finding someone like this who might be able to help you both understand one anothers feelings.

Good luck!

Stephanie

FPO reader912
Joined Aug 25, 2009

Wed, September 02, 2009 12:00 AM

 Reply posted for sickofcrohns.

Ive had my ups and downs with my marriage also . We have our good days and bad days . Have you thought about marriage cons. so you can explain to your husband how you feel and can have somebody there to explain that its not your fault your sick . (Sometimes this disease is worse than cancer, at least you kinda have idea whats gonna happen with cancer  most times you can beat that disease) I'd also have your hubby get on sites like this one to read what other people are going through to. I got diagnosed with this disease just after I got married and my husband has been very supportive. He even somewhat understands why I do not want to be intimate with him .(just don't feel sexy or attractive anymore). my hubby even has made me get dressed just to get out of the house I went two weeks without going outside once I was depressed and feeling low ,but after I went out I felt better. I hope this helps you.

FPO ladytrucker709
Joined Sep 1, 2009

Wed, September 02, 2009 12:00 AM

 Reply posted for sickofcrohns.

I think we can help you look up www.kccures.com for an all natural way to help your chron's problems that does not interfere with any chemical drugs. call me if you are interested in a free sample bottle.  Kind Regards  Richard

FPO richard 359
Joined Sep 2, 2009

Related Topics

Trying to support my husb...
Author Image jessers
Joined Mar 1, 2022

Hi, My husband is 46 and was diagnosed in 2019 ....

read more

Legal system
Author Image Kimdanon1
Joined Apr 20, 2024

My son has Crohn's and is currently in jail. T....

read more